林语堂译《美国独立宣言》, 妙处横生!

　　咱们国事乱到这般田地，叫咱们不得不跟（英国）皇上分家，自起炉灶，除了老天爷以外，谁也不要管谁，所以这会子总应向大家交个账，说个明白，叫人家懂得这是怎么一回事，别疑心了咱们是在做什么坑崩拐骗蒙的好勾当。
　　咱们不会歪缠，就是这么几名话。一则，你我大家比起人家都是一只鼻子两只眼睛，不认输谁，说不定比人家还强的多着呢；二则，谁也别想贬却咱们的身分资格；三则，一个人要怎么活就可以怎么活，要怎么玩就可以怎么玩，要到哪儿去就可以到哪儿去，只要不碍着旁人就得了。
　　什么鸟政府不放咱们这样，便是王八蛋。
　　还有，老百姓要什么政府就可自己做主，不干人家的鸟事。什么政府不给咱们这样就得滚他的蛋，再扶一个出来顶替。固然，象那些南美洲的傻子浑人，或者象什么共产党，天天革命，也不成个样子。或者衙门里老爷一做岔了事便革一回命，也是不成的。有时候，老爷们吞款舞弊，作恶为非，咱们闭着眼儿装不见，比起傻子浑人共产党天天革命还好，你只要不是什么无来由的，还能说声不是吗？但是国事混乱到这个分儿，一个人什么身分儿都没有了，任人当奴才看，到这会子，大家就得合拢来革那些狗官僚的命儿，另叫一班人来，给监视着，不让他们大模大样干他们偷鸡的勾当。咱们十三州老百姓就是这么一句话，罪受够了，再混也混不下去。
         当今皇上乔治登基以来，政事就是一团糟，谁不服气来同他办交涉，就是一把拳头叫你吃，这还有什么天理么？咱们同算一下账给你瞧。
         咱们一体通过的条陈，他总批驳下来，咱们人人反对的条例，他倒给钦此了。
         咱们有什么呈文，非他亲眼瞧过不成，呈文一上去，他却向口袋里一放，装着忘了，你同他提起，只给你一个不睬。
　　人家到宫里去呈请他立个新法，他就是这么一套：要末，把议会封起来，让他称孤道寡，孤行己意，不然，便是一个行，两个不行。
　　他叫议会到那儿岭外天边三家村上去开会，乐得没人肯去，让他去一意横行霸道。
        议员去找他，说什么好歹，他就是一溜不见，送他们回家。
        议院封了，要叫开又不肯开，政事没人管，成个无法无天的天下。
        他哄人家不要来咱们十三州。谁要来，也不让有报纸看，人家一看也不肯来了，就是来了，也不给田地，不得不回去，有的索性就不来。
　　他跟法官通同作弊，就不肯出钱多用几个官吏，人家有案子，三年两载还不见个动静，不发下来，只好认倒霉空手回去。
　　法官有什么不顺从他的意旨，就得滚蛋，官俸又不发，叫他们先来孝敬老天爷，不然也别想拿一个大子。
       高兴起了，就添了什么司什么员，安排一些不见经传的人小，钱向咱们老百姓腰包里拿，不管你情愿不情愿。
       一个好好的太平天下，养了一大班丘八，惊扰百姓，咱们怎么抗议也没用。
       他放着这些丘八作恶为非，横行霸道，不挂腰刀的人只好听他们排比。
       他放贪官污吏到处作孽，一朝权在手，无恶不作，干起以下的事来：
　　叫一些毫无用处人人讨厌的丘八驻扎民家里。
　　丘八杀人，便做个圈套，放他们逍遥法外。
　　管人家的事。
　　征苛捐杂税，也不问一问咱们缴的税项有个缴税的道理没有。
　　把人捉将官里去，人家要叫百姓陪审，不让陪审。
　　把人无端赶出国外，事案是此地发的，叫人家到天边海外去受审。
　　放几个坏蛋充我们邻国的官员，慢慢的扩展，希望有一天把咱们也吞下去，同他们一般腐败。
　　把宪法当做把戏，人人说好没人说坏的法律，他偏取消，让他一人去瞎干。
　　他把议院关了门，就象他一个人独干比别人干得好。
　　现在一不做二不休，索性跟咱们开战，咱们还认什么皇上，做什么臣子？
　　他把城也烧了，人也杀了，比狗还不如，在海上还要兴师问罪。
　　他雇些荷兰杂种来打咱们，教他们只要打得过咱们，可以随意抢掠，什么万国公法都不顾了。
　　咱们自己人在海上给他捉去，不管愿意不愿意，就迫着拿起枪把杀咱们同胞。
　　他唆使印第安生番，给他们枪火，教他们打死咱们的男女老少。
　　每回他这样干，咱们就不服同他反抗，每回咱们不服同他反抗，他还是照旧这样干下去。一个人老是这样蛮横不讲理，还有什么身分，就是不配来管咱们有身分人，应当滚蛋。
　　咱们向英国人讲理，总是不得要领。差不多天天咱们忠告他们，他们那边那些官僚违法越权，侵犯咱们。咱们老同他们讲，咱们是谁，咱们在做什么事，咱们为什么过海而来。咱们同他们讲公道，告诉他们，如果长此下去，咱们有一天要自己做自己打算，他们才知道利害。但是越和他们讲理，越无理可讲。可以见得他们不跟咱们一伙儿，就是同咱们为难，咱们就得同他们拚个高低，打完了再做道理。
　　因此，咱们决定，咱们代表十三州府的百姓在议会上议决：咱们合众国就是以前的十三州府，从此以后是自由国，照理就早该如此；咱们不认皇上，同他一刀两断，再也不听英国人的吩咐；咱们既然自由，自由国能干什么咱们就能干什么，尤重要的是宣战、议和、营商等等。咱们拿圣经罚咒，大家一心一力，有首有尾，不顾利害，不论成败，不计吉凶，就是财破人亡，到断头台上，还是这样做去。

The Declaration of Independence

IN CONGRESS, JULY 4,
1776 THE UNANIMOUS
DECLARATION OF THE
THIRTEEN UNITED
STATES OF AMERAICA

      When in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the laws Nature and Nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

     We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that they are among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. That to secure these rights, governments are instituted among them, deriving their just power from the consent of the governed. That whenever any form of government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the right of the people to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their safety and happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shown that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than t right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such government, and to provide new guards for their future security. Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity, which constrains them to alter their former systems of government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is usurpations, all having in direct object tyranny over these States. To prove this, let facts be submitted to a candid world.

     He has refused his assent to laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.
     He has forbidden his Governors to pass laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend them.
He has refused to pass other laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.
     He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their public records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.]
     He has dissolved representative houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasion on the rights of the people.
     He has refused for a long time, after such dissolution, to cause others to be elected ; whereby the legislative powers, incapable of annihilation, have returned to the people at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the meantime exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without and convulsion within.
     He has endeavored to prevent the population of these states; for that purpose obstructing the laws of naturalizing of foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migration hither, and raising the condition of new appropriations of lands.
     He has obstructed the administration of justice, by refusing his assent of laws for establishing judiciary powers.
     He has made judges dependent on his will alone, for the tenure of their office, and the amount and payment of their salary.  
     He has erected a multitude of new officers, and sent hither swarms of officers to harass our people, and eat out our substances.
     He has kept among us, in times of peace, standing armies without the consent of our legislatures.
     He has affected to render the military independent of and superior to the civil power.
    He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his assent to their acts of pretended legislation.
     For quartering large bodies of armed troops among us;
     For protecting them, by a mock trial, from punishment for any murder which they should commit on the inhabitants of these States.
     For cutting off our trade with all parts of the world;
     For imposing taxes on us without our consent;
     For depriving us in many cases, of the benefits of trial by jury;
     For transporting us beyond seas to be tried for pretended offenses;  
     For abolishing the free systems of English laws in a neighboring Province, establishing therein an arbitrary government, and enlarging its boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule these Colonies;
     For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable laws, and altering fundamentally the forms of our governments;
     For suspending our own Legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.
     He has abdicated government here, by declaring us out of his protection and waging war against us.
    He has plundered our seas, ravaged our coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.
     He is at this time transporting large armies of foreign mercenaries to complete the works of death, desolation and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of cruelty and perfidy scarcely parallel in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the head of a civilized nation.
     He has constrained our fellow citizens taken captive on the high seas to bear arms against their country, to become the executioners of their friends and brethren, or to fall themselves by their hands.
     He has excited domestic insurrection amongst us, and has endeavored to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian savages, whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes, and conditions.
     In every stage of these oppressions we have petitioned for redress in the most humble terms: our repeated petition have been answered only by repeated injury. A prince whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a tyrant is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.
     Nor have we been wanting in attention to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpation, which would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our separation, and hold them., as we hold the rest of mankind, enemies in war, in peace friends.
      We, therefore, the Representatives of the United States of America, in General Congress assembled , appealing to the supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the name, and by authority of the good people of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That these United States Colonies and Independent States; that they are absolved by from all allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State, they have full power to levy war, conclude peace, contract alliances, establish commerce, and to do all other acts and things which Independent States may of right do. And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes, and our sacred honor.