I dont understand how this could happen

Just took a home pregnancy test and it was positive! Frankly speaking, I am completely shocked and could not understand how this could happen.



We did use condoms, newly purchased ones, good brand, therefore expensive ones, according to LG. Since I reacted very srongly to birth control pills, this is pretty much our only way. To make it safer, each time when we finished, he would get out asap to check if there was anything wrong. It has been safe for us in the past years, and the fact that we so far only have two kids is the best witness. Why this time? What did we do wrong?

I really really really really..... dont want to have another baby! And I dont think we CAN handle another baby! Still remember how much I sruggled with breast feeding, the broken nipples, the breath taking pain when the babies sucked on such nipples, and getting up three times during the night, etc etc.... Finally Christin is more than two and half, is able to understand more and cooperate more when she likes, gets less and less sick in the day care, and most importantly Elisabeth and Christin now spend more and more time together playing. I really feel the beautufil time is coming, but with a new baby, we, mostly I will have to go back to that "dark time".

I admit that young babies are cute, and it is also fun to watch them start smiling, turning arround, sitting, crawling, walking and talking. However, we have had two newborns, and we have walked through all these steps twice, at least for me, there will be nothing new coming out of raising the third baby.

Now we actually start to enjoy Elisabeth's age. We both like to send her to all kind of classes. Curently she has ballet, swim, piano, Chinese, and in winter ski classes. I have to say that I really really enjoyed watching her making progresses. For example, in the swimming pool, she used to be scared of water, but now she can go for about 20 meters, loves to stay under water, jump into water and make a big mess there. Last winter, finally seeing her ski down the Alps, and dreaming that maybe next year she could ski with us alreay made us so happy. We once talked about this and made a plan, that is when Christin turns 4, which will be in a bit more than 1 year, we can all go hiking, traveling, eating in a restaurant PEACEFULLY together as a family. Now with this baby, all will be postponed.



Another thing is whether this baby is healthy. Last month we were both sick, I took Ibuprofen for my fever. Arround Oct. 9, 10, I had an extremely strong clamp, a typical pain I have for my period, except this time it was too painful that I took three tablets (usually I need one tablet in a month). With all these, I deeply worried about the health of the baby.

To be honest, I am not happy at all, so scared and deep blue?!