Obama White House Correspondent's Association dinner speech
奥巴马记协晚宴十八笑--笑从何来?(1)
http://blog.wenxuecity.com/blogview.php?date=200905&postID=24800
奥巴马记协晚宴十八笑--笑从何来?(2)
http://blog.wenxuecity.com/blogview.php?date=200905&postID=24832）
奥巴马“涮人涮己”
一年一度的白宫记者协会（WHCA）招待宴会9日晚在美国首都华盛顿举行。在出任总统后出席的首次WHCA宴会上，贝拉克・奥巴马一改平日相对严肃的风格，扮演起宴会上的“首席幽默官”角色，将共和党人、白宫官员甚至自己“涮”了个遍。暗讽共和党对手
白宫记者协会成立于1914年。上世纪30年代后，时任总统参加年度晚宴已经成为惯例，而打趣和捉弄总统以及高官也是年度晚宴的特色之一。身为民主党人，奥巴马不忘先给共和党一顿暗讽。
“我必须承认，今晚我的确不希望到这里，”奥巴马对近3000名到场嘉宾说，“但我知道自己必须来，这就是（前总统）乔治・W・布什留给我的又一个问题。”
提及共和党如今在政坛江河日下的困境时，奥巴马笑称，政府救援计划的救助对象不包括共和党。
接下来，奥巴马把目标转向没有与会的前副总统迪克・切尼，称他要待在家中赶写自己的回忆录，初步定名为《怎样向朋友开枪以及审讯他人》。
在任期间，切尼在得克萨斯州打猎时误伤他的朋友哈里・惠廷顿，一直被人当作笑柄；切尼支持严厉审讯恐怖嫌疑人的做法也遭到外界诟病。
挤兑伙伴希拉里
民主党阵营中，身为国务卿的希拉里・克林顿也难以幸免。提及不久前共和党元老、国会参议员阿伦・斯佩克特突然退党、“转投”民主党之事，奥巴马不忘揶揄希拉里由竞选总统期间“死对头”变成如今合作伙伴的经历。
奥巴马“援引”希拉里的话说，她成功“策反”斯佩克特，就是因为一直在跟他说：“阿伦，你知道我的一贯主张，"如果你不能打败他们，那就加入他们"。”
似乎话不尽兴，奥巴马又把流感因素“融入”两人微妙关系中，分别提到希拉里和自己在流感暴发前先后访问墨西哥一事。
“竞选期间，我们一直是对手，但这些天我们已经靠得不能再近了，”奥巴马说，“事实上，她从墨西哥访问回来的第二天就主动给我一个拥抱，还亲了一大口，然后告诉我应该自己去那里看看。”
自我揶揄评百日
鉴于执政百日刚过不久，奥巴马还涮起了自己上台后遭遇的困难和尴尬，比如演讲时总需要提示器以及不久前发生的总统专机低飞事件。
“（女儿）萨莎和马莉娅今晚没有来，因为她们被"禁飞"了，”奥巴马说，“你们不能开着"空军一号"去曼哈顿上空兜风，我不管你们是谁的孩子。”
提名内阁成员过程中，奥巴马还遭遇到这样的尴尬：商务部长提名人选先后因不同原因宣布退出，迫使奥巴马作出3次提名。他自嘲道：“历史上还没有哪个总统能在如此短时间内提名3名商务部长。”
“我愿意谈谈我的政府计划在下一个100天中完成什么任务，”奥巴马开玩笑说，“第二个百日中，我们会设计、建造并开放一家专门记录我第一个执政百日的图书馆；我会学会戒掉演讲提示器，而（副总统）乔・拜登将学会依靠演讲提示器。”
奥巴马无论发表长篇演说还是简短欢迎词，都喜欢使用演讲提示器，因此得名“提示器总统”；拜登则因经常发表冗长的演讲而被奥巴马暗示需要“克制”。不过，发表这次幽默演讲时，奥巴马讲台两边均安置着提示器。
相比“马不停蹄”的第一个执政百日，奥巴马开始“憧憬”轻松生活：“我相信，第二个百日会取得成功，而且我会在72天里完成这些任务，然后从第73天开始休息。”
REMARKS BY THE PRESIDENT
AT WHITE HOUSE CORRESPONDENTS' ASSOCIATION DINNER
May 9, 2009
Washington Hilton
Washington, D.C.
THE PRESIDENT: Thank you. Thank you, everybody. Good evening. You know, I had an entire speech prepared for this wonderful occasion, but now that I'm here I think I'm going to try something a little different. Tonight I want to speak from the heart. I'm going to speak off the cuff. (Teleprompters rise.) (Laughter and applause.)
Good evening. (Laughter.) Pause for laughter. (Laughter.) Wait a minute, this may not be working as well as I -- (laughter.) Let me try that again.
Good evening, everybody. (Applause.) I would like to welcome you all to the 10-day anniversary of my first 100 days. (Laughter.) I am Barack Obama. Most of you covered me. All of you voted for me. (Laughter and applause.) Apologies to the Fox table. (Laughter.) They're -- where are they? I have to confess I really did not want to be here tonight, but I knew I had to come -- just one more problem that I've inherited from George W. Bush. (Laughter.)
But now that I'm here, it's great to be here. It's great to see all of you. Michelle Obama is here, the First Lady of the United States. (Applause.) Hasn't she been an outstanding First Lady? (Applause.) She's even begun to bridge the differences that have divided us for so long, because no matter which party you belong to we can all agree that Michelle has the right to bare arms. (Laughter and applause.)
Now Sasha and Malia aren't here tonight because they're grounded. You can't just take Air Force One on a joy ride to Manhattan. (Laughter.) I don't care whose kids you are. (Laughter.) We've been setting some ground rules here. They're starting to get a little carried away.
Now, speaking -- when I think about children obviously I think about Michelle and it reminds me that tomorrow is Mother's Day. Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers in the audience. (Applause.) I do have to say, though, that this is a tough holiday for Rahm Emanuel because he's not used to saying the word "day" after "mother." (Laughter.) That's true. (Laughter.)
David Axelrod is here. You know, David and I have been together for a long time. I can still remember -- I got to sort of -- I tear up a little bit when I think back to that day that I called Ax so many years ago and said, you and I can do wonderful things together. And he said to me the same thing that partners all across America are saying to one another right now: Let's go to Iowa and make it official. (Laughter and applause.)
Michael Steele is in the house tonight. (Applause.) Or as he would say, "in the heezy." (Laughter.) What's up? (Laughter.) Where is Michael? Michael, for the last time, the Republican Party does not qualify for a bailout. (Laughter.) Rush Limbaugh does not count as a troubled asset, I'm sorry. (Laughter.)
Dick Cheney was supposed to be here but he is very busy working on his memoirs, tentatively titled, "How to Shoot Friends and Interrogate People." (Laughter.)
You know, it's been a whirlwind of activity these first hundred days. We've enacted a major economic recovery package, we passed a budget, we forged a new path in Iraq, and no President in history has ever named three Commerce Secretaries this quickly. (Laughter.) Which reminds me, if Judd Gregg is here, your business cards are ready now. (Laughter.)
On top of that, I've also reversed the ban on stem cell research, signed an expansion -- (applause) -- signed an expansion of the children's health insurance. Just last week, Car and Driver named me auto executive of the year. (Laughter.) Something I'm very proud of.
We've also begun to change the culture in Washington. We've even made the White House a place where people can learn and can grow. Just recently, Larry Summers asked if he could chair the White House Council on Women and Girls. (Laughter.) And I do appreciate that Larry is here tonight because it is seven hours past his bedtime. (Laughter.) Gibbs liked that one. (Laughter.)
In the last hundred days, we've also grown the Democratic Party by infusing it with new energy and bringing in fresh, young faces like Arlen Specter. (Laughter.) Now, Joe Biden rightly deserves a lot of credit for convincing Arlen to make the switch, but Secretary Clinton actually had a lot to do with it too. One day she just pulled him aside and she said, Arlen, you know what I always say -- "if you can't beat them, join them." (Laughter.)
Which brings me to another thing that's changed in this new, warmer, fuzzier White House, and that's my relationship with Hillary. You know, we had been rivals during the campaign, but these days we could not be closer. In fact, the second she got back from Mexico she pulled into a hug and gave me a big kiss. (Laughter.) Told me I'd better get down there myself. (Laughter.) Which I really appreciated. I mean, it was -- it was nice. (Laughter.)
And of course we've also begun to change America's image in the world. We talked about this during this campaign and we're starting to execute. We've renewed alliances with important partners and friends. If you look on the screen there, there I am with Japanese Prime Minister Taro Aso. There I am with Gordon Brown.
But as I said during the campaign, we can't just talk to our friends. As hard as it is, we also have to talk to our enemies, and I've begun to do exactly that. Take a look at the monitor there. (Laughter.) Now, let me be clear, just because he handed me a copy of Peter Pan does not mean that I'm going to read it -- (laughter) -- but it's good diplomatic practice to just accept these gifts.
All this change hasn't been easy. Change never is. So I've cut the tension by bringing a new friend to the White House. He's warm, he's cuddly, loyal, enthusiastic. You just have to keep him on a tight leash. Every once in a while he goes charging off in the wrong direction and gets himself into trouble. But enough about Joe Biden. (Laughter.)
All in all, we're proud of the change we've brought to Washington in these first hundred days but we've got a lot of work left to do, as all of you know. So I'd like to talk a little bit about what my administration plans to achieve in the next hundred days.
During the second hundred days, we will design, build and open a library dedicated to my first hundred days. (Laughter.) It's going to be big, folks. (Laughter.) In the next hundred days, I will learn to go off the prompter and Joe Biden will learn to stay on the prompter. (Laughter.)
In the next hundred days, our bipartisan outreach will be so successful that even John Boehner will consider becoming a Democrat. After all, we have a lot in common. He is a person of color. (Laughter.) Although not a color that appears in the natural world. (Laughter.) What's up, John? (Laughter.)
In the next hundred days, I will meet with a leader who rules over millions with an iron fist, who owns the airwaves and uses his power to crush all who would challenge his authority at the ballot box. It's good to see you, Mayor Bloomberg. (Laughter.)
In the next hundred days, we will housetrain our dog, Bo, because the last thing Tim Geithner needs is someone else treating him like a fire hydrant. (Laughter.) In the next hundred days, I will strongly consider losing my cool. (Laughter.)
Finally, I believe that my next hundred days will be so successful I will be able to complete them in 72 days. (Laughter.) And on the 73rd day, I will rest. (Laughter.)
I just -- I want to end by saying a few words about the men and women in this room whose job it is to inform the public and pursue the truth. You know, we meet tonight at a moment of extraordinary challenge for this nation and for the world, but it's also a time of real hardship for the field of journalism. And like so many other businesses in this global age, you've seen sweeping changes and technology and communications that lead to a sense of uncertainty and anxiety about what the future will hold.
Across the country, there are extraordinary, hardworking journalists who have lost their jobs in recent days, recent weeks, recent months. And I know that each newspaper and media outlet is wrestling with how to respond to these changes, and some are struggling simply to stay open. And it won't be easy. Not every ending will be a happy one.
But it's also true that your ultimate success as an industry is essential to the success of our democracy. It's what makes this thing work. You know, Thomas Jefferson once said that if he had the choice between a government without newspapers, or newspapers without a government, he would not hesitate to choose the latter.
Clearly, Thomas Jefferson never had cable news to contend with -- (laughter) -- but his central point remains: A government without newspapers, a government without a tough and vibrant media of all sorts, is not an option for the United States of America. (Applause.)
So I may not -- I may not agree with everything you write or report. I may even complain, or more likely Gibbs will complain, from time to time about how you do your jobs, but I do so with the knowledge that when you are at your best, then you help me be at my best. You help all of us who serve at the pleasure of the American people do our jobs better by holding us accountable, by demanding honesty, by preventing us from taking shortcuts and falling into easy political games that people are so desperately weary of.
And that kind of reporting is worth preserving -- not just for your sake, but for the public's. We count on you to help us make sense of a complex world and tell the stories of our lives the way they happen, and we look for you for truth, even if it's always an approximation, even if -- (laughter.)
This is a season of renewal and reinvention. That is what government must learn to do, that's what businesses must learn to do, and that's what journalism is in the process of doing. And when I look out at this room and think about the dedicated men and women whose questions I've answered over the last few years, I know that for all the challenges this industry faces, it's not short on talent or creativity or passion or commitment. It's not short of young people who are eager to break news or the not-so-young who still manage to ask the tough ones time and time again. These qualities alone will not solve all your problems, but they certainly prove that the problems are worth solving. And that is a good place as any to begin.
So I offer you my thanks, I offer you my support, and I look forward to working with you and answering to you and the American people as we seek a more perfect union in the months and years ahead.
Thank you very much, everybody. Thank you. (Applause.)
