乡愁如烟

曾经以为乡愁是背井离乡的痛苦回忆,是叶落归根的执着情怀,少不经事的我就是这样解释那些不属于我的世界的字眼。当我也远离了故土,在或繁华或偏僻的异乡流浪,我终于明白,乡愁,是一种找不到灵魂归宿的思索和惆怅。

 

对人生的不断思考和真实体验驱使我愈行愈远,与心灵的对话使我无法与庸俗握手言欢。象一个平凡的旅人,我带着风尘的气息从一处到一处,把用青春换来的欢乐和痛苦的经历装满行囊。象一个不平凡的舞者,我穿着永不停止的红舞鞋从一个舞台到一个舞台,演出和领略永不落幕的人生悲喜剧。曾经有一些瞬间让我觉得熟悉和喜悦,让我的心灵感受到震荡和默契,但却短暂如慧星掠过。再回眸时,它的模糊让我几乎怀疑它是否曾经存在过。然而,就是这些片断,为我构建出精神家园的蜃楼,让我以为我会追寻到心灵的栖息地。我继续走着,满怀希望。

 

到如今我终于明白,真正的漂泊者永远到达不了栖息地,因为他们的心路总在不断延伸。到如今我终于明白,真正的漂泊者离开家就永远回不了家,因为他们生命的真正意义在于寻找。这也许就是米兰昆德拉写《生命不能承受之轻》时的心境,思想的飞翔是如此的轻盈,而那沉重的内涵却能把最伟大的哲学家逼疯。这也许就是屈原面对汨罗江时的思绪,他的楚国其实早就不是他理想的故土,当追寻的希望之路走到尽头,当灵魂的歌唱成为绝响,他只能步入挡住去路的汨罗江。

 

我还在走着,不知道路通向何方,不知道路的尽头在何处。我想我永远不会有屈原的勇气,因为我只是个普通的行者。所以我将苟活,带着如烟的乡愁。

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