6/25 星期四

最近又开始准备找工作, 实在无法忍受钱太少的窘迫感, 天上掉钱的梦想一时间还无法实现, 只好老老实实的从UPDATE RESUME开始. 跟一个朋友讲, 忙不要紧, 累不要紧, 只要钱多, 我现在是唯利是图, 朋友笑言, 谁不是呢? 钱乃生活之本, 揭开了表皮, 生活就是这么现实. 这年头, 有钱的男人靠不住, 没钱的你靠他什么, 所以, 靠人不如靠己, 家底丰厚一些, 谈恋爱的底气都足三分. 我的人生最大追求就是自由, 想工作的时候工作, 想旅游的时候旅游, 上天入地, 随心所欲, 而保障这一切的最基本条件恐怕就是钱了, 很多很多的钱. 如果我银行户头上现有500万, 我会立即辞掉工作, 先去欧洲住上3个月再说. 周末去买张彩票吧, LOL.

最近对jogging越来越上瘾, 不去GYM的晚上就到楼下河边跑, 有种一天不跑就心神不定的感觉, 看来什么东西都能让人addicted. 主要是我最近精力过剩, 如果不跑步, 就总有种想要折腾点什么的感觉, 所以, 为了我自己的生命安全和世界和平, 我还是把精力发散到跑步上比较好. 我喜欢跑步时能听见自己心跳的感觉, 几趟下来, 大脑一片空白, 全身的细胞都在用力呼吸, its addiction, definitely. 每天晚饭都是yogurt外加几块cheese和水果, 然后30分钟的jogging, 减肥效果极其明显, 迫不及待的想要show off, oh... and I have got another new bikini, YEAH! 昨晚临睡前, 趴在床上看05年的电影[Into the blue], by Paul Walker and Jessica Alba, 俊男美女, 风景美如天堂的PANAMA, 很心动, 想去潜水, and jet-ski.

关于我和Kevin, 最近得到众多suggestions and advices, 具体如下,

朋友Xu的意见, "你脑筋转得太快, 不是每个人都能跟上, 所以要耐心一些..." (我缺乏耐心, 是人人皆知的秘密, LOL)

F同学的意见, "he might not be selfish, he just wasnt thinking for you, wasnt thinking so much..." (... so is that too demanding to ask him to think for me???)

Takako的意见, "你喜欢simple guys, 但你的想法太复杂, 既然他们simple, 就不可能立刻完全理解你的要求..." (right, I want simple guys, but not stupid guys... there is difference.)

老娘的意见, "忍耐, 迁让, 互相体谅, 好好相处..." (...no comments.)

Dave的意见, "Jess, you are like a little baby, always want instant satisfaction, but life is more complicated..." (well, Dave really knows me, I have to say...)

Actually its not all his fault, I know it so clearly that sometimes what people say is not what they really mean, so deep inside I can hardly believe what Kevin says, even though it might be what he really means, but I have too much doubt, which annoying me all the time. Monday night, we talked on the phone, he just backed home from work, sounded very tired. Maybe I should try to understand his job more, it might be more stressful than I could imagine, I dont know, its another world than mine. I asked, "Do you think I get into you too much? any pressure? if you want me to step back a bit, I could do that, just let me know..." Kevin was so confused, "Back where??? what you talking about? is there anything wrong??? you are being gay (his slang, means weird)..." I was trying to explain my point, but then thought never mind, lets just go with the flow, its so fucking exhausting to logicalize everything. Well, there are some good qualities he has which I really appreciate, like he never played his cellphone during our dates, not even checked it, which also explains why he always misses out my messages... He doesnt chat online often, has no online flirting habbit, doesnt give vague answers about our relationship... So, we will see. I try what I can do.

SLEEPY...!!!