· Who made this one?
To a parent set on tradition, this method may seem appealing, but my experience with children who have been subject to this treatment is antisocial behavior where they have difficulty functioning with children outside of their family structure. They tend to seem depressed at school and withdrawn from the real-world dynamic structure. In the work environment, the employees I have had that were, under their own admission, brought up under this program, were hard workers, but it stopped there. They tend to wait until they receive instruction before they proceed to the next step. They are dependent upon rules to perform. They have shown little initiative to solve the problem themselves or show much in terms of creativity. This doesn't necessarily describe Chinese workers, but many Chinese have been subject to the conditioning described by Ms. Chua.
In Ms. Chua's list of don'ts:
• attend a sleepover - promotes antisocial behavior.
• have a playdate - promotes antisocial behavior.
• be in a school play - does not allow for a child to develop his/her right brain, i.e., he/she cannot develop his/her creative processes.
• complain about not being in a school play - they should complain, it shows independent thought.
• watch TV or play computer games - relaxation and leisure are an important part of the brain function. The right computer games can develop both sides of the brain. Limits on TV and computer games are important as well.
• choose their own extracurricular activities - where's the creativity and initiative in that?
• get any grade less than an A - if a child does not know how to take risk and fail and recover from failure, they will live in a narrowly defined world and not challenge themselves to do things in a different and, very often, a better way.
• not be the No. 1 student in every subject except gym and drama - there are a lot of kids competing for that distinction, how is your child going feel about themselves if they don't succeed? By the way, gym and drama are excellent avenues to develop the right brain and the left brain.
• play any instrument other than the piano or violin - there are many instruments to choose from, perhaps if your children had some choice in these areas, they might be better players.
• not play the piano or violin - enough said.
My children all strive on their own to get As. B's and an occasional C are acceptable and we try to figure out where they went wrong. In every case, they correct themselves. That is a learning process by itself. After doing their homework, they are encourage to play with their friends and go on many play dates. They are strongly encourage to take on one team sport, one instrument of their choice, which includes voice, which one of daughters excels at, and one organized activity of their choosing. They usually sign up for more than what we have time for.
I will never claim to be the "superior" parent but I know my children will grow up well adjusted and have a healthy balance in their lives. They will add value to the workplace as adults, of that, I am sure.
- Christine Liu ：
· After reading Mrs. Chua's article on the superior capabilities of Chinese parenting, I thought it best as a Chinese-American raised in a very traditional household to give some insight to this method of child-rearing. Both my parents emigrated from communist
-Why Chinese Mothers are Not Superior
http://www.jeanhsu.com/?p=229
When I read Amy Chua's article on the WSJ a few days ago, I was appalled that the public's response was so divided. Many people seemed to actually acknowledge her style of parenting as superior, admiring her for all the effort she has put into raising her children and for their accomplishments at such a young age. As I mulled over the article and the various responses to it on my Facebook wall and other online news sources and blogs, I decided to write a response from a different perspective.
I am a 24 year-old female who was raised by first-generation Chinese parents. After majoring in Computer Science at Princeton, I moved to California to work at Google. After two years, I left to work for myself, and recently joined a small startup in Palo Alto. Whether or not I am considered a success by Asian parents, I am not sure (probably up until the leaving Google part), but I can say with certainty that I am happy with my life. My parents were certainly influenced by Chinese traditions, but they thankfully they did not socialize with that many Asian families, and I was mostly spared the experience Amy Chua describes. Some parts stay with me though. My parents, like most Asian parents, were always critical about physical appearance and weight, and though "well-intentioned," the criticism always stung. Amy says that the kids don't take it personally, but I know that I did, and will always remember those occasions when they were too strict or too critical.
I have seen many Asian families who raised their kids like Amy Chua. These kids skip grades (not one but two), compete in piano competitions, are made to study for the SATs everyday as a freshman, the list goes on and on. Their parents justify their methods by bragging off-handedly to other Asian parents about their kids' accomplishments, mutually confirming that this arbitrary formula is, indeed, the path to success. In reality they are just molding all their kids to look exactly the same on paper. Math competitions, high SAT scores, perfect GPA, valedictorian, 1st place in piano competitions...how many of these resumes do you think college admissions officers see roll in every fall? And then when they don't get into top-tier universities, Asians complain that schools discriminate against Asian students, that they are more qualified than many of the non-Asians getting into the schools. And ironically, despite the emphasis on music at a young age, most asian parents I know would be pretty upset if their children wanted to major in music and become a professional musician.
Most of my Asian classmates strived for good grades (it was expected of them) and got them, but to them, school was a compartmentalized aspect of their life in which good grades were the sole objective. Despite my own upbringing, where I was encouraged but not pushed forcefully by my thankfully not-too-stereotypical Chinese parents, I too strove for good grades, but stopped when I got the A. Even though I really enjoyed some subjects, I never actively pursued any "school-related" projects on my own through high school and college. In sharp contrast, one of best friends would routinely delve deeper into subjects he found fascinating, teaching himself IPA (International Phonetic Alphabet) when he discovered a love for linguistics, and spending one of his free periods doing physics independent study. My husband, who is Caucasian, has an intense love for math and programming that I deeply admire. His parents never made him do math drills, yet he recently worked every night on a math paper that was accepted by a prestigious publication, and is working on a math puzzle book to share his love of math with more people. I, on the other hand, have personally struggled with finding something that I am as passionate about. I honestly hope that our future children's attitude toward learning is more like that of my husband than my own.
Chinese parents who demand the highest grades from their children at any cost are sadly doing them a great disservice. While it may result in short-term "success," that mentality makes it incredibly difficult for them to find something they really love.
Amy Chua's kids are still young. They still have much of high school and college left, not to mention the rest of their lives. While I wish them the best, I cannot help but think of Chinese classmates who had stereotypically strict parents, but partied too hard in college and haven't really found anything they find fulfilling. I truly believe that many in my generation of ABCs (American born Chinese) lack drive--with parents that watch them do their homework and write their college application essays, they never had to make any hard decisions for themselves. Many are too cautious to take big risks, and instead find themselves stuck in unsatisfying jobs. While trying to give them an academic advantage, these parents are really stunting their personal and social development. Good grades, hard work and discipline can get you far in life, but it that's all you have and you lack social skills and initiative, you are sorely limited in what you can do.
First generation immigrants want the best for their children, as do all parents, but they really are not that qualified to judge what will lead to a successful and fulfilling life in the United States. Their narrow-minded formula for success (great grades, ivy league, medical school, high paying job) may work for some, but it alienates those who might find success elsewhere. Many highly successful and happy people have gotten to where they are by leaving a stable job to try to start their own company, pursuing a career in the performing arts, or majoring in something other than science, math or engineering, yet all these would be highly discouraged by most Asian parents. When I have children of my own, I hope I will be able to stress the importance of education while they are young, but allow them the freedom to make decisions and mistakes for themselves.
