1 粗心的教授/Careless Professor
Professor Fielding has always been careless. His wife asked him to throw away a bag of garbage in the waste bin outside the building on his way to work, he muddled up and carried it on the subway, and went to the lab, and finally carried it back home.
His wife was shocked: "What are you carrying?" Fielding said: "Oh, I forgot to throw away garbage. "
His wife took it and took a look, even more surprised: "Where did you bring back a pack of ham?"
费尔丁教授向来粗心大意。妻子让他把一包垃圾在他上班的路上顺便丢到楼外废物箱里，他却糊涂地提着上了地铁，又到了实验室，最后又提着回了家。
妻子大吃一惊：“你提着什么？”费尔丁说：“哎呀，垃圾忘了丢了。”
妻子拿过来一看，更加吃惊：“你从哪儿拿回一包火腿？”
2 粗心的教授/Careless Professor
A professor loses things all the time, he is either losing the glasses case or losing the cane. Especially umbrella, almost every month his wife buys him an umbrella. The professor makes up his mind secretly, he will be careful in the future. One day, the professor went out in the morning, and came back in the afternoon, he said proudly to his wife: "Hi, Dorothy, today I have not lost things, I bring back my umbrella!" Then, he showed his wife an umbrella. "Oh, look at you the careless guy, you did not bring an umbrella with you when you went out today!"
一位教授平时总是丢三忘四，不是丢了眼镜盒，就是丢了手杖。特别是雨伞，几乎每个月他夫人都得替他买一把。教授为此暗暗地下定决心，以后要多加小心。一天，教授上午出去，下午回来，得意洋洋地对夫人说：“哎，陶乐赛，今天我可没丢东西，我把伞给带回来啦！”说着，他亮出一把伞。“唉呀，瞧你这粗心人，你今天没有带伞出去呀！”
3 措辞不同/Different Wording
The Cardinal was speeding, a policeman rode a motorcycle and stopped him. Bishop asked: "I drive too fast?” Police: "No, Your Grace. You did not drive too fast; you flied too slowly. "
红衣主教驾车飞弛，一名警察骑摩托追上把他拦住。主教问：“我的车开得太快了吗？”警察：“不，主教大人。您的车不是开得太快，而是飞得太慢。”
4 担心/Worry
The wife said to her husband: "Every time you go out, I will be very worried." "Honey, do not worry," the husband comforted her and said," I'll come back at any time. "" This is what I worry about. "
妻子对丈夫说：“你每次出门，我都会非常担心。”“亲爱的，别担心，”丈夫安慰她道，“我会随时回来的。”“这正是我所担心的“。
5 得之不易/Hard-won
Someone invited friends to his home for dinner. A friend asked: "Are you sure your wife knows I'm going to dinner? "
"Of course. For this, she and I quarreled the whole afternoon!"
某人邀请朋友到他家吃晚饭。朋友问：“你能肯定你妻子知道我要去吃晚饭吗？”
“当然知道。为这件事，我和她争执了一下午！”
6 到处碰壁/Rebuffed everywhere
One man asked a lady who sat next to him in a car very politely: "Do you mind if I smoke a cigarette?” The lady said kindly to him:" No, just make yourself at home. " The man closed his cigarette box immediately, sighed and said: "I still cannot smoke!"
某君在车箱里很有礼貌地问坐在旁边的女士：“我在此抽只烟妨碍您吗？”女士善意地对他说：“不，你就像在家里一样好了。”此君立即收回烟盒，叹口气说：“照样不能抽！”
