Two guys were sitting in a bar. One said: ‘Did you hear the news – Mike is dead?’
‘How?’ gasped the other. ‘What happened to him?’
‘Well, he was on his way over to my house the other day and when he pulled up outside, he didn’t brake properly and – bang – he hit the pavement, the car flipped over and he went crashing through the sunroof. He went flying through the air and smashed through my upstairs bedroom window.’
‘Wow! What a horrible way to die!’
‘No, no, he survived that. That didn’t kill him. So, after landing in my upstairs bedroom, he was lying on the floor covered in broken glass. Then he spotted the big antique wardrobe we have in the room and reached for the handle to try and pull himself up. He was just dragging himself up when – bang – this massive wardrobe came crashing down on top of him, crushing him and breaking most of his bones.’
‘What a way to go! That’s terrible!’
‘No, no, that didn’t kill him: he survived that. He managed to get the wardrobe off him and crawled out onto the landing. There, he tried to pull himself up on the banister, but under his weight, the banister broke and he fell down to the first floor. In mid-air, all the broken banister poles spun and fell on him, pinning him to the floor, sticking right through him.’
‘Gee! That is an awful way to go!’
‘No, no, that didn’t kill him, he even survived that. So he was on the downstairs landing, just beside the kitchen. He crawled into the kitchen, tried to pull himself up by the cooker, but accidentally reached for a big pot of boiling water. Whoosh! The whole thing came down on him and burned off most of his skin.’
‘Man! What a way to go!’
‘No, no, he survived that. He was lying on the ground, covered in boiling water, and he spotted the phone. He thought he’d reach for the phone to call for help but instead, he grabbed the light switch and pulled the whole thing off the wall. Well, water and electricity don’t mix, so he got electrocuted – boom – 10,000 volts shot through him.’
‘Now that is one horrible way to go!’
‘No, no, that didn’t kill him. He survived that, he . . .’
‘Hold on now, just how the hell did Mike die?’
‘I shot him!’
‘You shot him? What the hell did you shoot him for?’
‘He was wrecking my house!’
