这样的生活，算算也持续近半年了。这不，今晨起床，她又不支声了，一个人坐在阴暗的沙发里打盹。我问她睡好了没有，她也不说话。临出门前，她突然说：“I hate everything related to academics. So many work. I hate it.”
我很震惊：女儿心里，一定酝酿了很多我不明了的东西。
上路后，我开了暖气，从后视镜里看见她懒懒地醒着，觉得很心疼：女儿啊，你开始长大了，而长大，就是这么不容易啊！于是，我决定疏导她：“Nancy, you look so pressured. You need to learn to relax. Maybe, you take too much.” 女儿这学期选了大学的一门课，法律的一门课，工作量都很大。
“I can’t. There are so many things to do. How can I relax? I don’t have time for what you said.” 女儿不相信地说。
“You can. You can relax right now. Enjoy this ride and learn to appreciate. Look, Nancy, the park.”我指指路边的公园：很美，晨雾缭绕，朦胧如梦。
女儿没有说话。但我看见，她侧过了头，在看，也在听。
“Now, you have chosen to come to this school. You must learn to enjoy everything you do.” 我小心切入。
“How? Some of the subjects I don’t even enjoy, but I just have to do it.”女儿倒出了她的苦水。
“Why?” 我想知道。
“Because they help you build a good resume, and a good resume leads you to a good
college.”女儿深沉地说。
“What’s the use of going to a good college？”我故作不懂。
“Because a good college leads to a good job.”女儿给我上课。
“Not necessarily. ” 我小心地否定。
“I mean, at least it enhances the chance of getting a better job.”女儿修正道。
“I see. Then, that means you truly believe what you are doing is the best for you.” 我放心了：因为，女儿知道为自己的前途操心了。
她肯定地点点头。
“Then, is there a better way to handle the stress you are experiencing?”我问。
“I don’t know. For me, it just feels better to let out my stress and anxiety. ”女儿直言不讳。
“But, it may not be the best way to mature.”我指的是女儿一遇事，就急躁的脾气。“From my experience, depending on what kind of situation you are in, you can handle stress differently.”我开始和她分享自己的体验。
“The first kind, you can control the situation. It’s easy. If you don’t like something, you simply don’t have to take it. ”我干脆地说。
“But I don’t have the choice but to take these lessons.”女儿一下就看清了自己所处的形势。
“That’s the second kind of situation. And, unfortunately or fortunately if you will, most of us are in this kind of situation: do something out of obligation. If you are obliged to take something, then you have to learn to enjoy it, enjoy every moment of it. Once you put your heart into doing it, you will forget it is boring.” 我真心地说。
“OK.” 女儿点点头，似乎在体会我的话的含义。
“Look, Nancy.”我又指着路边的一棵树说。
“What?”
“Look at that tree. It is cold，yet it still has to stand up straight. Look at those bird nests. Feel pitiful for those birds. They are cold, yet they still have to fly out to get food. Life is not easy, not just for human.”
“Ah......yes, I remember when we lived in the suburb, there was a nest in our pear tree......in the front yard......It was so cute......”不知不觉中，女儿开始进入放松的状态了---她开始给我讲她童年捅鸟巢的故事了。
......
女儿的故事讲完了，我做了总结性发言:“Really, at the moment when we start to feel blessed, our stress and anxiety start to fade away. We are blessed because we can ride in this warm car, we can enjoy the morning scenes; you are blessed because you are good enough to go to the best high school in this city, you have the opportunity to learn the unknown, and ......” 我诡秘地笑笑，补充道：“you have this mother to listen to your complaint, and to quarrel with you.”
女儿也笑了，表示同意。
学校到了，女儿背起沉重的书包，放出一声叹息，道:“OK,mom. Have a good day.” 啊 ，今天，女儿竟然给了我祝福！她大步向人行道走去，我冲她喊道：“If you feel heavy, look up into the sky. It is unlimited up there.”
举两个女孩的例子。对你有所启发：
my friends' daughters:
A. went to gift school,( also big public school) 95% asian american kids, majorly chinese kids and india kids. so much homework and study, asian kids are killing each other( on study) for fighting get into ivy league. no matter how many kids get 2300 to 2400 full score in SAT. the ivy league school only pick 3-5 kids in each public high school.
A 's mother pull her out in the last year high school, sent her to near by american public school with majority are white kids. she went to complately different environment, survived and thrived . she is wonderful 羽毛球手，made into American national team . she became two clubs president in the big american public school. she was accepted by MIT last year. her mom told me she picked the new sports in school and partys everyday. and interned in the wells sreet stock market this sammmer . she found this oppunity by herself.
B.
a girl was A' s long time classmate, they went to the gift school together. no sports( no need for sports) study is her full time job.
was accepted into another ivy league school.
the first year in school ,there are a lot of stress and presure. she suffered 失眠症 。can not deal with her american roommates. her parents went to her school,( from west side of the country) renting a room in the nearby hotal , pull her out sometime to have a better one night sleep.
失眠is the major sign of depression as we know.
my suggestion for B is that 休学一年，to make up some lessons , sports and social life .
florence001 发表评论于
回复 'yuchengongwu' 的评论 : what is 女孩子的花季？ like to hear your opinion.
why did you put your daughter into such asian kids school? you should pull her out.
only book and homework, plus tons of nerds, 一个女孩没有花季。
when my daughter had chance to go to such an 95% asian kids school,(gift school) we decide not send her , we keep her in big public school, less than 20% asian kids school, she can join in the school sports team, stays in an american school environment. she is a top student, self-movtivted . we are pretty happy with her stay in such school.
